Posted on January 14, 2010
I think the world needs a new direction, so I’m going to put myself up for the role of world leader
Its pretty simple I think – there are some basic rules I’d like to enforce but apart from that, here’s my mandate
1. Tax – I’ll keep it as low as I possibly can. I’ll do this by not having a vast and huge bureaucratic government – light and lean is the watchword here. As world leader, I’ll be quite important, but I don’t need a vast palace and motorcades and shit like that – I’ll live in my own house I think – maybe the taxpayers can fund a shack on a quiet beach somewhere so I can take myself off to think about how to solve tough problems for a bit. I’ll have a few people advising me but thats all – I trust my own opinions and don’t need other people’s agendas being passed on to you.
2. Rules. There are way too many rules in the world, particularly in Australia where I live (and as its nice and warm here, I’ll continue to live here when I’m world leader) Thats because there are no consequences for people’s actions. Justice is weak, punishments poor and too many people know they can all but get away with whatever they want. Today, we have to ban everything and restrict people’s liberties and choices because of a tiny minority that cant be trusted. Its pretty much the same minority for everything – speeding, bad behaviour, violence, graffiti, anti social behaviour etc – so I’ll just have one over arching rule – if you do something stupid that hurts or impacts someone else in a negative way, I’m shipping you off to Siberia for life.
Frankly the world doesn’t need you and the gene pool is better off without you. I’m not willing to make a complicated system of grades of bad behaviour, its one size fits all – its cheaper that way too which means lower taxes. People can just learn to live with each other in a more responsible way. If you want to drink in public – fine by me. Thump someone cos you’re pissed – its off to the gulag for you. If you want to drive fast, good for you. Kill someone cos you don’t understand that driving fast in built up areas is stupid – off to the gulag. Murder someone, same deal. Make the consequences severe and people wont need loads of rules, they’ll just understand they have to play their part in a responsible social machine. I’m empowering you with responsibility.
3. Work – we all have to work hard – I think people get that already, but dole bludgers and scroungers will not be tolerated. If you’re claiming there is no work and need state support, then we’ll give you work. You might not like it, but nobody gets something for nothing, so its litter pick up duty, cleaning up the place, community gardening, help the needy etc. Mandatory, no excuses. Child care will be provided. If we need to build something, then we’ll get the unemployed builders to help whilst they have no other work, hell, I have no problems paying people properly for jobs like that, not just unemployment benefits. We’ll all pull together and guess what – the world will be a better place.
4. Architecture. I want some memorable buildings. Made of stone and quality materials. The world’s most amazing buildings are not made of steel and glass. Architects that suggest modern glass crap next to wonderful gothic masterpieces will be sent to the gulag. End. Of.
5. Energy. We’re in a bit of a pickle with this – wars and fighting and invasions, peak oil, bio fuels causing starvation etc. So, I’m going to put a stop to this. I’m going to impose a fuel tax to fund research into inventing a new energy source that will replace oil asap. I don’t care that the fallout to this is the balance of power is put back into the hands of the everyday man – I’m sick and tired of energy sources being used as excuses for oppression. If at all possible, this new energy source will be cheap and abundant and available to all with no strings. We all have the right to heat, cooling, cooking, clean water etc.
6. Pollution. People and companies that pollute the environment will be sent to the gulag. If we cant make something without destroying the environment and causing harm to life on the planet then we are not going to make it anymore. Full Stop. There’ll be a transition period where we’ll help manufacturers make the change, but after that, its clean living. If it means we have to make some compromises in the stuff we “need” for life, then so be it. I’m not going to be stupid and overly restrictive, I want cheap electronics, good cars, the internet and everything too, but only if we’re not shooting ourselves in the foot to get it.
Oh, and military spending will be cut right back – we’ll have a world army, navy and airforce, but once the social reforms and justice is sorted, we don’t think we’ll need it that much. Anyone in remote parts of the world that think they can engage in illegal activity (Somalian Pirates, are you listening up here?) will be crushed swiftly and decisively. We want everyone to live in harmony, but those preventing that and those willing to treat other people in a way that is not consistent with a single cohesive society will be held to account with no mercy.
So yeah, vote for me, man, its gonna be a blast!